Letters, We Get Letters…

spam

One of the great joys of having a blog is receiving positive and/or informative comments from knowledgeable readers. Once in a blue moon, I get a comment that I delete not because I found it offensive but because I felt the writer was uninformed musically, and I really didn’t want to get into arguments with any of my readers, which I think would be confrontational and not productive.

But then, of course, I get spam. Lots and lots of it, anywhere from 2 to 7 items per day. I thought my readers might find it amusing to read some of the weirdest of them, so I’ve decided to post them here. Hopefully you’ll find them as funny as I do.

Once in a while, but only rarely, I get the feeling that the spammer might actually be a legitimate poster who simply doesn’t write or speak good English. Believe it or not, I have approved a couple of such comments which you will find on the articles I’ve written. But most of them are strange in a very odd way. They praise my writing style and “the topic under discussion” without ever referencing MUSIC. I’m sure a lot of them are just adbots trying to get me to click on their links to buy some program designed to get me more hits, but I just get such a laugh out of most of the bizarre ones that I thought I’d give you a good cross-section.

This really is included in a very ideal way. Definitely large subject and it’s fascinating how the author had been able to insight a lot information in such a concise and readable way.

—expresison college

Hi, always i used to check blog posts here in the early hours in the morning, as i love to find out more and more.

—porn

Porn always seems to have a lot of helpful comments. Don’t know how he/she/it has time to post them, though.

No one knows anywhere I am going to uncover addiitional information for %BT%? Private educator forced me note a term essay relating to this subject.

—best-website-for-jobs-writing-online

Great beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your web site, how could i subscribe for a blog site? The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear idea

—lucky patcher no root apk (I got this one TWICE, word for word the same)

Asking questions are actually fastidious thing if you are not understanding something entirely, except this post provides good understanding yet.

—Selling Car Notes

Greetigs from California! I’m bored att wwork so I dewcided tto chefk oout youhr siye oon myy iphoe duringg luncch break. I ove thhe knowledgee youu pfesent here annd can’t wait to take a lokk wen I geet home. I’m shoocked att how fastt your blog loded onn my cdll phone .. I’m noot eve usingg WIFI, justt 3G …Anyhow, ecellent blog! I hav een sjrfing obline more thann 3 hkurs today, yett I ever discovered anyy interewsting aticle ljke yours.

It’s besautiful pricce sufficient foor me. In my view, iff alll website owners aand bloggers madre exceellent content materrial ass you did, thee webb will probably bbe a llot morte helopful thazn evdr before. Hola! I’ve ben readding your sitee forr a lng tiome nnow annd inally goot tthe courage too ggo ahead andd gjve yoou a shoutt out from Neew Caney Texas! Justt wantedd too tewll you keep up tthe excellent job!

—Kiersten, foxnews.net

(or so she says…notice that she just discovered my site because she was bored at work but has been “readding” it “forr a lng tiome nnow.”)

From someone who apparently thinks my articles aren’t long enough:

Excellent post however , I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this topic?

Sorry, no.

Here’s one spammer who really became quite garrulous, though in the end I still wasn’t sure what they wanted:

I create a comment each time I like a article oon a sikte oor if I hawve someghing tto valuable to contribuute to tthe conversation. Usujally it’s a resulpt oof thhe passion displayed inn tthe posdt I read. And after thiss post Thhe Growimg Trends iin Confent Theft: Image Theft, Feed Scraping, aand Webvsite Hijacking ?
Lorele oon WordPress. I was excitdd enough too drop a commmenta respons I actualy doo have a coulle oof questrions ffor yyou iff it’s okay. Couild it be simkply mme orr dooes iit lookk like sone off these remarrks lok likje they arre comingg frm brin deqd individuals?

And, iif youu aree wwriting att additiolnal places, I’d like tto keep up with anythimg neew yyou havfe tto post. Would you list thee compllete urls oof alll your communal sotes lioe yolur lijkedin profile, Facewbook age or twtter feed? I couldn’t resst commenting. Exceptionally weell written! I’m realy impressed togther wikth your writihg abilitties ass wdll aas with tthe layout inn your weblog. Is that this a pqid themme oor diid you customizse itt yiur self? Anyway stay upp tthe niice higyh quwlity writing, it iis uhcommon tto see a ice weblog loke this oone today.

This was my first spam post in a foreign language (other than disstorttd Englsih):

Herr Werner Burmeister sollte als Vorstand ordentliche Vereinsarbeit machen, ohne „Umgestaltung alter Vereinslinien“ funktioniert heute kein Verein mehr. Die Welt dreht sich weiter, nur der Führungsstil ist unverändert. Wenn man sich 2 Vereinsfahrzeuge leisten kann, muss es einem Verein gutgehen…Es sollten die Ausgaben optimiert werden, anstatt immer nur mehr Förderungen zu fordern.

Translation:

Mr. Werner Burmeister as a board should make proper association work, without “reconstruction of old club lines” no more club today functions. The world continues to turn, only the style of leadership is unchanged. If you can afford 2 club cars, you have to go to a club … The expenses should be optimized instead of only ever more promotions.

How ‘bout THAT, huh?

And then there was this one:

Además, garantiza que es el titular legítimo del medio de pago empleado, que cuenta con poder bastante en caso de estar formalizando el pago en nombre de persona jurídica.

Translation:

In addition, it guarantees that it is the Means of payment employee, which has enough power in case of formalizing the payment on behalf Of legal person.

I’d still love to know what %BT% is, or is supposed to represent. It shows up frequently in spam posts:

Simple sensei inquired us to publish very good report pertaining to %BT%. Someone said every thing created regarding it. Having Said That I have got an un answered concerns. Don’t you provide a hand?

Which one would you like? My left or my right?

I like reading about %BT%. And additionally I`ve been considering receiving my new Instagram page facts about this method, you determine, in the form of web site. Is it possible to help me?

Try going to a psychiatrist.

This one is my favorite:

Private daughter seen an article about %BT% on the net actually asks for me to determine the girl more information on it, towards the she would like to write a new great essay with this particular topic. Help out, man or women, ASAP?))

If you ever discover what %BT% does mean, please do drop me a line. Also let me know if you’ve decided if you’re a man or women.

Apparently, google.com has nothing better to do with their time than to send spam to websites like mine. This recent entry was so surreal I wasn’t sure which illegal drug they imbibed before writing it, thought in the middle it suddenly switched gears to an arcane bit of factual American history, so maybe someone at Google is a history buff:

Master the talisman Hunt Control: beast Bestial Wrath now in your pets extra for 30 seconds, and make your pet damage increase of 21%. Back on December 22 1852, the legislature of Oregon Territory forced Pierce County to become independent from Thurston County. And quite astonishingly, he is not alone in his opinion.

Well, see, you can’t claim that I’m not learning some interesting facts from at least some of my spam.

More handy hints came from someone or something called game guardian app, who apparently knows a lot of things that just don’t translate into English:

I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is attractive, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an impatience over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this increase.

And, last but certainly not least, this extremely non-helpful post—originally in Portuguese—that was placed on my review of a Shura Cherkassky recital from one Cervejeiro Mestre:

How to Freeze Fast Beer

Pay attention to our guidance, because I tested it on a barbecue this weekend, and I was pretty happy too! By the way,
A gratulación privativo to the Guiga (@filhodopadeiro) of All About Facebook, that passed me this Millenarian knowledge!

The extent of any of these ingredients will depend on the quantity
Of beer that is intended to freeze. But commonly, it would be an ice pack, a
Liter of rain, one liter of alcohol and also half a kilo of salt.
After putting all the ingredients in a container, simply accommodate the cans / bottles
Beer and wait for 3 minutes to come. You can proportionate these measures according to the quantity of beer that
Is intended to freeze.

Salt dissolves neatly in the rain and reduces its
Refrigeration. Pure, the water freezes at about 0 ° C.
Salt water needs a lower temperature, which can reach tens of degrees below zero.
When saal is placed on ice, some of the cubes melt,
Stealing “heat during the change of physical state and also
Cooling the blend as a whole. On the other hand, dissolved salt causes
Endothermic reaction, that is, it reduces the temperature
Of the blend. Alcohol has a similar role: melting gelpo stealing “heat
And also dimnui even more refrigeration point. It is used
Because when the temperature stays below -9° C, sall loses somewhat of the effect, but alcohol does not.

Watching the clock: aluminum is good for heat and heat, and 3 minutes is enough for the cans Thermal stability. As the temperature
Is less zero, after numbered minutes, the liquor will be so cold that it will not hurt to feel Palate and also freeze freeze. Leave dde towel
Paper absorb well water, and also after, light the beers to freezer.

The water in the paper will freeze rapidly, forming an ice stratum Cools the potion.

Information: take care, because depending on the freezer the beer can freeze at an absurd speed,
Leaving your beer frozen, which is not legitimate.
Mini USB Refrigerated But umm alcoholic gadget for
You do not miss the chance to have an ice-cold beer in the
Recreation doo your work. There has not even been seen … the one of the nitrogen is the best (cinch to locate) hahahahahha optimum.
I added to favorites …. And what about Leandro?
It does not work with other drinks, not just beer that gels, the others
Get hot!

 

Anyway, that’s my spam world. Hope you enjoyed wasting a minute or two reading through it!

—© 2017 Lynn René Bayley

RhymesWithOrange_170503

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